UKIP Leadership election – what a turnip…er, turn up….

By Searchlight Team

It was taken for granted by everyone, including Searchlight, that Bill Etheridge would win this week’s Ukip leadership election. With his pal Ben Walker both chairman of the party and returning officer in the election, what could possibly go wrong? We had our Bill and Ben storyline all mapped out – based on a 70-year-old BBC children’s series properly titled ‘The Flowerpot Men’. 

 Dropped jaws all round, then, when at the appointed time of 18:00 Monday night (carefully plotted, it seemed, to avoid making any of the key TV or radio early evening news slots) up on Kippervision, or the party’s official web site if you prefer, came the flash ‘Lois Perry elected’. WTF? Then almost instantly it was down again. Then back up 10 minutes later. Then down again. We had visions of the factions fighting for possession of the computer mouse, one side crying ‘Publish the result!’ and the other ‘Stop the steal!’ 

At something like 18:20 it finally came up and stayed there. What a shambles! So, the Ukip membership had unpredictably elected Little Weed! In the TV show, very old readers will recall, Bill and Ben were the two bizarre puppets who lived in flower pots, were permanently smirking and could only talk gibberish. “Gizzajobalob,” Bill would say. “Norraprobalob,” Ben would reply. The plot seemed perfect for a Ukip ruling duo. The only other regular character was the cheery little flower, who lived just behind or between the two flower pots and could only say “Weeeed!” Except when there was a petty mystery to solve, when she could sing in clear English “Was it Bill or was it Ben?” 

The main mystery for Lois to solve, as new leader, is what’s going on with Ukip’s finances? And what happened to the large sums that expiring members left the party in bequests which have overnight dried up? 

 Weed had better get her singing voice warmed up.

6 responses on “UKIP Leadership election – what a turnip…er, turn up….

  1. Just A Pleb

    The spanking new BEN and LOIS show is going to be even better – the more little Weed squeaks, the more embarrassing it is for UKIP, as Robespierre confirmed:

    So did Lois say “Yes” to Walker:
    “I want to see you an(d) Annabelle in a joint shot wearing that mankini – for my private use of course.”
    ? (Recent Deputy Leader Rebecca Jane had turned Walker down on that proposal, word-for-word;
    surely he would have honoured Weed with a similar compliment?)

    Weed’s ex(?) husband bipolar Richard J Hillgrove VI MA FRSA:
    was a right laugh in 2020:

  2. Just A Pleb

    But UKIP Don Walker, likewise “spared prison”, boasts not two but five and more recent criminal convictions in a neighbouring court and was also spared prison:
    This was followed this year by his ignominious expulsion as a magistrate for making false claims in his application.

    With his chequered history of dishonesty, rogue building and tax scandal in Bradley Stoke, does Walker represent an upgrade for Lois?

    In January, escapee Rebecca Jane sent “sympathy to his fiancée” — whose name isn’t Annabelle. Or Lois. Or Leanne. Or Tracey. Or Lexi. Or Helen. Or Joanna. Could be Kathryn still, but for how long will she turn a blind eye?

    UKIP has a proud tradition of harems and worse bottoms-uppery:

  3. Just A Pleb

    It could be UKIP’s new ‘First Gentleman’, its Dear Leader’s partner, forgot to mention both his bankruptcy and that he’s a man of (two) strong convictions.

  4. Just A Pleb
    At Bristol Crown Court he too was spared prison:
    and, cowboy-hatted, got handed a 15 month suspended sentence, allegedly all over the “Lois” Vuitton vanity case:
    Either a glutton for punishment or a ‘PR guru’ useless at self-PR, he’s just republicised his disgrace:

    The race is on, may the best convicted crook win the hind of Ms UKIP Botox!

  5. snooked

    I thought this Official UKIP pair of Brothels must be a spoof.

    But it is all true, Vanessa Coleman and all

    I read that these UKIP-fundraising whorehouses for mischievous sprites
    were located in POKESDOWN, so we can be in no doubt of all about the poking that went on down there.

    This jiggery-pokery leads to the recent where, from left to wrong, are M. Neil Hamilton, Mrs Jane M. Unwin, Madam Vanessa Coleman, Christine Hamilton and Mr Steven James Unwin who is UKIP Dorset’s last True Believer. Don’t think we need be surprised at why he’s no longer in REFORM.

  6. Sindy

    So no Bill n Ben show? The last time I saw that iconic photo ‘Viagra man’ & ‘Rogue Builder’ had their mugshots photoshopped in but Little Weed wasn’t Barbie Copped26. Oh no, Little Weed’s smile was that of she who once served another leader – when UKIP was a real party not a front for legacy harvests. Rumour has it Little Weed still whispers in the builder’s shell like